I usually pride myself on being self-aware, but today my therapist blew my mind. I’ve always known that I’m quiet in big groups, you won’t see me talking much in a class setting (except where I was the teacher) or at a large table full of people. But I really thought that I was talkative in other settings. But now I’m realizing that may not be the case.
I’m not a fan of small talk, that I know. But give me a topic of meaning and I can delve in with the best. I thought that was even the case with therapy. Until today.
My therapist called my style “quiet” and “reserved” and equated me to a teenager with whom each word has to be extracted (I’m paraphrasing here). She claims that I’m the only client she is currently seeing who makes her work as hard as I do in terms of making conversation and initiating topics for us to discuss. And I’m starting to see where she’s coming from. I’m a succinct person, although that might not always come thru in my writing. I give short answers to her questions, often needing prodding to elaborate.
Am I quiet and reserved? Possibly that’s a part of me that I’ve never really acknowledged… But how can I change that? At least in therapy? I’m not sure I’ll ever spew out my thoughts and concerns, but can I find a middle ground? I’m going to try, but I don’t think it will be so easy.